Mrs Webb

My husband and I married five years ago and shortly after our marriage he had an affair with an ex-girlfriend. We got through it and he has promised that he has been faithful ever since.

But recently I found on the computer that he had been visiting some adult sites on the internet and has even registered himself on several meeting sites, where consenting adults meet specifically for flings and casual sex. He swears that he has not actually met up with anyone from these sites, but I have no way of being sure. Does eCourt consider his online activities to be cheating, or am I being paranoid?

Mr Webb

Yes, it is true that I did visit these sites but it was purely for a bit of flirty fun and harmless titillation. I love my wife and feel she has over reacted to this, although I can understand her paranoia, given my earlier track record. But I have not been unfaithful to her since and do not consider surfing the net to be cheating. I think it is time that she put the old affair behind her and moved on with all the good and positive things that we have in our relationship.


The eCourt Assessors found this to be another very difficult case to adjudicate on. There are clearly some unresolved issues from the past that this has brought to the surface by these online visitations. There could be feelings of past anger re-surfacing, bitterness at previous unfaithfulness and even possibly a little anger at herself for maybe not taking a firmer stand when the previous infidelity occurred.

At eCourt, though, we have to deal in facts and that makes this a difficult case to judge. The reality is eCourt has not been asked to deliver a verdict on the morality of past misdemeanours or whether he is telling the truth or not about not having met up with any of the women he has been flirting with on the adult fling sites. We were asked to consider whether we consider flirting online as cheating.

Cheating is defined as an act of deception, fraud, or betrayal, and Mr Webb has certainly deceived his wife by these secret online assignations behind her back. It is not a legal fraud, but some couples may consider it to be a moral fraud. It appears there has been no physical betrayal from using these sites, but that may be because she caught him before he had time to take them further, but it could be deemed by many couples to be a betrayal of trust.

The eCourt Verdict is that Mrs Webb is not being paranoid and her mistrust appears to be well placed. If, as he says, that these sites are just for fun, then he should include his wife in on them, it is only by acting as a couple and sharing activities together, online or otherwise, can they progress and grow as a couple. Mr Webb needs to be more open and accountable if he is to win back the love and trust of his wife, if he continues with hiding such things from her he risks losing her forever.


© 2007 - eCourt. All right reserved. Website designed and developed by UK Website Solutions