CHILD CUSTODY BATTLE
“ I split up with my wife last year and since then communication between us has been very bad and acrimonious and it seems that we can only really talk to each other via our solicitors and this is causing me, and probably her, much distress. The split with my wife is something that I can come to terms with that she is refusing me any contact with my two daughters and this is something that I cannot and will not ever be able to come to terms with. I know when people split up that emotions run high and people say things that they later regret that she has spread some extremely malicious stories about me, has taken the car for herself locked me out of the house and her parents have threatened violence against. The only contact I have with my daughter is now is through a solicitor and things took a turn for the worse and I started seeing another woman. She has forbidden my daughters to speak to me and sends me hundreds of threatening texts and e-mails. My solicitor has said that this could take months if not a year to sort out but I don't think I can stand being away from my beautiful daughters of that long and I don't know what to do. I had asked if she would agree to abide by an impartial independent opinion until we have managed to sort it out in the courts, but she is refusing to even agree to that. I'm hoping that by posting this case to you may prompt to send in her side of the story and then maybe he can begin to make some headway, but until then I would be very much appreciated if the eCourt could provide the with a possible resolution as a means of moving forward.”
eCourt did attempt to contact your wife and get her side of the story, but as you suggested she was not interested, so we will have to progress by using only the fact that you have presented to us here.
For any parent to lose contact with their children, is one of the most distressing thing is that could happen to you as a parent. The influence of a loving father and mother to grow up with and look up to influences all children and is incredibly important. No matter what course of action the courts decide to rule in, you must both make sure that they know that you love them and that what is happening between you and their mother is no reflection upon them.
The most important thing is that neither of your daughters grow up to inherit the anger and bitterness that is so obviously helped towards you at your ex-wife at the moment. Many separated fathers find that it is helpful to write or e-mail to their children as much as possible reassuring them of this.
The eCourt Verdict is that no matter how heated the arguments may get you should try and keep a level head, keep in touch and offer your support and assistance to both your ex-wife and your children wherever you can and try to stay impartial wherever possible.
Sometimes the less acrimonious way of settling these disputes is that both of you to appoint a third party representative who has no emotional involvement in the outcome, but someone who does have your respective interests at heart and this is often a very effective way of resolving these very painful issues in a more amicable fashion.
If sometime in the future, when emotions have settled down a bit, your wife agrees to try and sort things out via a third party representative, then, of course, eCourt also offers this service. You can both appoint your respective third-party representatives to each submit their side of the case for a fair and impartial resolution online. Alternatively, you can use our mediation service which has several very experienced matrimonial mediators on hand.
There are many other facilities that may be able to help you and your wife sort out these problems without the necessity of going to expensive court battles, one of these organisations is called Families Need Fathers which has been specifically set up to help fathers like yourself, their telephone number is 08707607496, or you can email them at firstname.lastname@example.org . There is also a website for mothers and the rest of the family at www.familyonwards.com and also one that is aimed specifically at grandparents Called the Grandparents Association and their number is 08454349585. If you are a child there are many support centres as well, including Bernados and Childline with a free confidential 24-hour helpline on Phone 0800 1111.